When was Jesus born and died?

When was Jesus actually born? ≈2100hrs on 25 July 04BCE

When did Jesus actually die? ≈1500hrs on 24 November 29CE

We only have three pseudo-OHEFE items from the gospels:

Matthew 27:45 — “Now from the sixth hour (1200hrs) there was darkness over all the land until the ninth hour (1500hrs).”

Mark 15:33 — “When the sixth hour had come, there was darkness over the whole land until the ninth hour.”

Luke 23:44 — “It was now about the sixth hour, and darkness came over the whole land until the ninth hour.”

The word “darkness” above is actually a purposeful mistranslation of the original Greek. That word in Greek actually means “darkening”, or “darkening of”. More proof those lying Religitards are using tactics to fool the general populace into believing lies.

What does that seem to be like to you Religitards? Three hours of a darkening of the sky? Perhaps an eclipse?

I know that you Religitards KNOW that us humans have developed the mathematics (Orbital Mechanics), although quite brutal, to predict when and where lunar AND solar eclipses shall occur in the future. Way back in the early 18th century, then perfected in the early 19th century, and continuously refined ever since. How else could we know about the Great American Eclipse of August 2017, and the latest one just in April 2024?

Future Eclipses (I just clicked without looking; many, many links...)
SEatlas2981

Guess what? Those same mathematics can tell us when and where eclipses occurred in the past. I do not believe this, I KNOW this to be proven scientific theory.

The eclipse during the supposed death of Jesus gives us a more exact time period and we know the location is Jerusalem. You Religitards swear Jesus was born in December and dies around April. You specifically swear Jesus died in the year 30 CE. Wrong! Look into what happened in the year 29 CE on the 24th of November, almost dead on top of Jerusalem.

29-11-24Eclipse
Or visit the NASA Solar Eclipse Atlas.

Notice the “12:15 TD” in upper right corner. That is time the eclipse started. Lasted unti 14:45. Two and a half hours. All close enough to what is written in that bible-thingy. T…H…I…N…K…

A near total solar eclipse in Jerusalem. Although the zone of totality passed just northward of Jerusalem, they still got a 95% totality. Enough to create the illusion of three hours of “a darkening of sky”.

As I have highlighted above with bolding in the three verses from the bible, the word “darkness” used in those verses is actually the word that meant “a darkening of”. Go research it buttheads. Or learn more Ancient Greek. That is where they got it from.

The 24th of November also happens to be the fourth Thursday. Thanksgiving. Hmm…

November 29CE
Sunday	Monday	Tuesday	Wednesday	Thursday	Friday	Saturday
		1	2	3	4	5
6	7	8	9	10	11	12
13	14	15	16	17	18	19
20	21	22	23	24	25	26
27	28	29	30

Thursday 24 November 29 CE had an eclipse that crossed very near Jerusalem. Question: You Religitards just hated that number 29, didn’t you? Because Prime? Thus, you rounded to a nice even 30. Tsk! Tsk! Naughty on y’awl to lie like that for nearly 2000 years. And you wonder why I despise you Religitards with a loathsome passion. Nice use of oxymoron, huh?

Now think on this. I made me dad teach me how to use a slide rule. Why? So I could calculate when eclipses occurred near Jerusalem back into the past. As said, those mathematics were brutal. But I comprehended them at the age of 10 years. And you needed a slide rule since we did not have calculators. All I had was pencil, paper, slide rule, and equations/formulas from college textbooks.

I calculated that an eclipse would pass near Jerusalem on Thursday 24 November 29 CE very near the time of totality at ≅1215hrs until ≅1455hrs, 2h 40m. Close enough to 3h. So I did not do too bad for a damned yungun with nothing better than a slide rule and a bunch of equations. BTW: It was doing this I finally understood the Epoch thing.

We also have the time of death: 1500hrs on Thursday 24 November 29 CE. For some damned stupid reason, the concept of “⅓century” is special to christinsanes. 33⅓ years. That is how long y’awl say he lived. Let’s do a little math.

29 CE − 33 years = 04 BCE.
⅓ of a year is 121 days & 18 hours. Go ahead and calculate for yourself. “Don’t trust my lying ass”, y’awl’d say.
Counting 121 days backwards from 24 Nov, we end up at 26 July @1500hrs.
Now counting 18 hours backwards, we arrive at 2100hrs on 25 July 04 BCE, your precious Jesus was born.

Now let’s look back at Its death. Jesus died on Thursday 24 Nov 29CE @ 1500hrs. It would have taken at least three hours for the entombing. Now we are at 1800hrs. Early/mid evening.

Even your Virgin Lich said it Itself:

“For as Jonah was three days and three nights in the whale’s belly; so shall the son of man be three days and three nights in the heart of the earth.”
— ITs exact words as recorded in that unholy bible.

More data tabulation: Counting from 1800hrs Thu 24 Nov for 3 days AND 3 nights puts us at 1800hrs Sun 27 Nov. The reason for the tradition of Sunday Dinner? That is when that Virgin Lich supposedly arose from the dead. Perhaps this is what led to the easter dinner tradition on Sunday? We celebrate Thanksgiving in recognition of that lich’s supposed victory over death and sin. Seems plausible to me. But that don’t mean poopoo. Research.

Now look at your other easter bullshit. Good Friday celebrates Jesus’s entry into Jerusalem. Its crucifixion comes later. It also celebrated the passover. Yet the bible says that the Virgin Lich arose Sunday morning (that easter sunday thing). However, that ain’t three days and three nights. Doing so would put easter into Monday evening.

How can you Religitards continue to call Friday to Sunday 3 days and 3 nights after all these hundreds of decades? Friday evening to Sunday morning is only 1 day and 2 nights. Can no Religitard do simple arithmetic?

Now looking at my stupid hypothetical application of the scientific method, makes my above hypothesis infinitely more plausible than any bible story you can create.

T…H…I…N…K… about that.

That is precisely why you Religitards are so terrified of science. You cannot understand it, you cannot comprehend it, your brain has been damaged so much from your religious beliefs, you have no hope of understanding anything science.

And the above was actually done as a joke. However, there is enough scientific FACTS and evidence to make this essay APAP (As Plausible As Possible). Just believable enough it could fool you, almost.

Is my Jesus Eclipse a more plausible explanation than the four gospels? Wish I had a website where I can record the votes.

O! The December 25th thing. That is actually the birthdate of Mithras. The supposed founder of Mithra. Born of a virgin. Killed. Resurrected. You early Religitards ran into so many people whom had adopted the Mithra religion. So much so, you had no choice but to make Jesus’s birthdate on 25 December. Thirty-one days after ITs actual deathdate. Just so y’awl could appease the pagans.

Funny Note: I have not used a slide rule in about 50 years and no longer remember how to use one.

— The Unknown Atheist

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